There are hillbillies with guns in my yard.

Both the house myself, sisters, and mother live in and the house my grandfather lives in lie on the same piece of property. My invalid grandfather decided to let an old buddy from the campground we used to own park his trailer in our yard and come stay there whenever he likes, since he’s too cheap to pay to park it at a real campground.

Now, I’m all for being friendly and generous, but here’s the problem with this little set-up: There is a rusty old sack of metal that they call a camping trailer in our yard, and there is an endless array of hillbillies and all their friends, exes, cousins, and mamma’s squatting on our property! This weekend (on my birthday, mind you) the hillbilly brought his girlfriend and her twenty-something bipolar son with him to HUNT our property. I don’t agree with human beings hunting unless absolutely necessary. It’s not a sport, it’s a means of gaining sustenance and there are too many other options for food today to justify it. The only reason human beings hunt in this day and age is because they truly enjoy needless killing, or they are too much of a dead-beat to feed their family any other way.

Besides my problem with hunting in general, there’s the fact that the bipolar son - a person who I don’t know with a MENTAL DISORDER - is driving up and down my driveway, brandishing a rifle! It also goes without saying that all of these people are drunks. They set up their hunting blind not 100 yards away from our house, FACING OUR YARD! What do they think they’re going to do, shoot into the yard??? We put food out for the birds and deer, so if they were to shoot our precious wildlife, it would technically be baiting, which is illegal.

So, what did I do on my birthday, you ask? Well, I sat outside and beat on an empty dog crate with a hammer...for hours. I was trying to make sure no deer came towards our yard to meet their doom. I also sang a little, a sound that should keep all living things a great distance away for the next week or so. Thus far, the hillbillies have not shot at anything. If they do, being that they are that close to the house, my poor Jessie (my dog) will probably give herself a hernia and my ducks will surely be scared to death. So, I better get back to being as loud and obnoxious as I can until the hillbillies leave, which should be sometime in the afternoon today - for the sake of the deer, and he health of my pets.